Anything You Can Do
by MamaLaz
Summary: Being the resident 'it-boy' of the Wizarding World, Draco doesn't appreciate it when Ron Weasley stumbles into the scene and steals all his coverage. This means war.
1. Orgasms Over Crumpets and Tea

**Title:** Anything You Can Do (1/?)  
**Episode:** #1 - Orgasms over Crumpets and Tea  
**Rating:** R - for now  
**Fandom:** Harry Potter  
**Pairing:** Ron/Draco  
**Disclaimer:** The characters of Harry Potter aren't mine. I just like making them shag each other. A lot.  
**Summary:** An on-going Ron/Draco. Being the resident 'it-boy' of the Wizarding World, Draco doesn't appreciate it when Ron Weasley stumbles into the scene and steals all his coverage. This means war.

**Notes:** Posted for everyone on my author alert list to let them know I'm based at Livejournal now (please click my username to find my journal). This on-going Ron/Draco, will be updated every other day on that site.

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Anything You Can Do (1/?)

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Draco Malfoy was a good shag and everyone knew it.

What? They did. After all, Draco himself was the one who insisted on it being common knowledge to the masses.

He had a reputation to maintain, an aura of sexual prowess to exude and how else was he to remain as Witch Weekly's Most Eligible Bachelor if he didn't spin things a little in his own favour?

It was just good sense and, for the last three years, this sense had paid off. His gorgeous face on every issue of the magazine, his name gasped out by witches all across the country, his bottom endorsing Morgana's new range of shrink to fit robes… oh yes, Draco was a regular it-boy and he really couldn't get enough of it.

Of course, that was until Ron Weasley was caught in the middle of the scandal of the century. And then everything went to hell.

"I hate him," Draco informed Pansy Parkinson over brunch the following day, his voice filled with venom and his canines flashing dangerously. "He gets caught rolling around in bed with Krum one time and suddenly every woman in the country is orgasming in the streets over him?"

"Draco, darling, do we have to talk about this so early in the morning?" Pansy replied, pouring a cup of a tea and wrinkling her nose with disgust. "I'm trying to digest crumpets, here."

"Well, it's his fault!" Draco snapped, grabbing the newspaper before him and jabbing at the moving picture of Weasley. The pictured Weasley clumsily ducked Draco's angry finger before letting out a tinny swear and shaking a fist at him. "And wait, what do you mean 'digest'?" Draco demanded suspiciously, turning back to Pansy with narrowed eyes. "Since when do you willingly digest anything you can't throw up?"

"Since Weasley did that interview in the _Prophet _about liking the curvier girl," Blaise Zabini supplied with a smirk as he sauntered into the room, impeccable as always in his crisp dark robes. "You can't deny it, Malfoy, the boy is hot. Ah, crumpets," Zabini said cheerfully as he sat down and reached for the jam. "So how does it feel being replaced by a Weasley of all people?"

"I have _not_ been replaced," Draco said tersely, his voice a hair away from a growl as he glared at the other boy, who simply smiled devilishly in response. "One minute wonders like Weasley come and go. I still own this town. Just you wait and see. Next week, he'll be the nobody he was two days ago. Mark my words. Now give me some bloody crumpets before I hex someone."


	2. Woodstock in the Frontyard

**Title:** Anything You Can Do (2/?)  
**Episode:** #2 - Woodstock in The Frontyard  
**Rating:** R - for now  
**Fandom:** Harry Potter  
**Pairing:** Ron/Draco  
**Disclaimer:** The characters of Harry Potter aren't mine. I just like making them shag each other. A lot.  
**Summary:** An on-going Ron/Draco. Being the resident 'it-boy' of the Wizarding World, Draco doesn't appreciate it when Ron Weasley stumbles into the scene and steals all his coverage. This means war.

**Notes:** Posted for everyone on my author alert list to let them know I'm based at Livejournal now (please click my username to find my journal). This on-going Ron/Draco, will be updated every other day on that site.

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Anything You Can Do (2/?)

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"_The Prophet, the Quibbler, Witch Weekly, Quidditch Monthly, Which Wand?, the Annual Gringotts Newsletter_… Ron, exactly _how_ did you end up in all these publications?"

Ron Weasley, darting between each and every window in his shared flat and pulling the curtains shut, looked utterly petrified as he waved his long arms at her.

"Hermione, would you keep your bloody voice down?!" he hissed urgently before peering out his curtains in a frightened manner.

Hermione Granger, sitting at the breakfast table and surrounded by every wizarding newspaper and magazine in print, lifted up her bushy head and huffed impatiently at his behaviour. Crookshanks, who was huddled by her elbow, turned his ugly face to Ron to pull a similar expression.

"Oh, honestly, Ron," Hermione tutted, "they can't possibly still be outside. It's been two days."

"Oh, they're there alright," a mussed Harry said through a yawn as he entered the room, nursing a cup of coffee in his hand and moving to stand beside Ron. He then whistled as he looked through the throngs of journalists huddled on their front lawn in tents. And was that a food stall by Hermione's begonias? "Wow. It looks like Woodstock out there."

"Oh for goodness sake… have you_ read_ half of this?" Hermione's irritated voice came out from behind the stacks of newspapers, her fluffy hair the only part of her visible as she thumbed through the newest issue of _Witch Weekly_. " 'The Weasley/Krum Photos Leaked, Get the Negatives Now for Only Seventeen Sickles!'… 'Freckles – How to Spell Your Own and be Irresistible!'… 'Dear Dr Aggie, I think Ron Weasley turned me gay'... this is getting ridiculous."

"I know," Harry agreed, easing down beside her. "I mean… spelling your own freckles. Really?"

Hermione ignored this and rounded on Ron instead.

"Ron, you have to fix this."

"What am I supposed to do!?" Ron shrieked, flapping his arms again. "Those bastards keep following me everywhere!"

"Well, we can't stay cooped in here forever."

"Why not?" Ron asked petulantly, crossing his arms at her. It was the plan he was sticking to and it hadn't failed him yet.

Hermione gave him a withering stare in response. Crookshanks, following suit, bristled and hissed at him.

"Because Harry and I have lives, too, and this is disrupting them."

Harry, who was happily dunking a biscuit into his coffee and seemed rather pleased the media's glare wasn't on him for once, absently nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, Ron. Stop being selfish," he said pleasantly. "Anyway, didn't you always want to be all over the papers and get invited to big events?"

"Yeah but I didn't want this!" Ron declared, pulling back his curtain to point at the reporters then wincing as the flash of a camera bulb momentarily blinded him.

Hermione, however, looked thoughtful and after a few seconds of deliberating, opened her mouth to ask,

"… Ron, which invitations did you receive again?"


End file.
